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Last week, I received a phone call from my best friend Leila. She told me that she is getting married soon and asked if I could be her bridesmaid. To which, of course, I said yes!
I’m so happy for her because if you knew her 5 years ago, you wouldn’t think that she could ever recover from the tragedy that took place in her life.
Leila lost her first fiancé in a car accident. They were celebrating his 23rd birthday at his house and he just went out to buy some more drinks for their visitors when it all happened. There were no signs, no premonitions whatsoever. That particular nightmare seemed to suck the life out of her.
For almost a year, she was consumed with pain and was completely directionless. Until one day, I got surprised when I heard that she volunteered in a hospice care. After that, she became more energetic and she seemed to have found herself again.
Refocusing your heart and mind into helping others or doing positive things can help you get out of a lost state and create happiness and love around you.
To help you in your personal journey of finding yourself when you’re feeling lost in the complications of life, here’s a simple self-exploration guide.
Find Some Quiet Moments
Silence gives way to peace and well-being. When you are surrounded by the noisy chatter of life, you can get easily distracted and it becomes harder for you to pay attention to the signs that will help you move forward on your path.
Sometimes, you have to try and stand alone and go into a state of “wishlessness,” wherein you transport yourself to a pleasant and peaceful place using your mind. In this way, you can forget about your discomforts, complaints and problems, and experience clarity and contentment.
For instance, one of the biggest mistakes that single women make whenever they are feeling lost and sad about being alone is to use other people to fill the void inside them. Girl, finding the one is actually the last thing that you should do.
You are not weak or worthless if you find solace in another person. However, try to exercise your ability to rely on yourself and guide your own actions. And I assure you, the feeling of being able to handle matters alone, without needing anyone’s help or support is absolutely awesome!
Embark on an Adventure
There’s a pretty, wild world out there that’s waiting to be explored. Embarking on an adventure helps you discover yourself, find your purpose and be a better person.
Going to places that you’ve never been before and meeting people with totally different practices and cultures not only enhance your perspective and understanding of life but it also opens your eyes to new possibilities and exciting opportunities.
To help you remember who you are and figure out what you want out of life, I suggest that you start packing your clothes and prepare yourself to conquer the world. Check this out – “5 Amazing Train Journeys.”
Train travel offers a more dramatic journey with spectacular scenery minus the cramped airlines seats and long security lines.
Remember What You Love
I remember 5 years ago, when I was still stuck in an 8-5 hustle, I was always feeling tired. Even if I did nothing on the weekends but eat and sleep, I still had to drag myself to work on Mondays. I felt that life has eluded me, I was bored. With boredom came the feeling of being adrift, of being right off track.
And then one day, after seeing me so exhausted and looking drained, a colleague of mine asked me if I could still recall the last time I had fun. That one question triggered me to change my game. I started to remember the things that make me happy and the things that make me feel alive.
I realized that I lost sight of the beauty and joy around me so I made an effort to reconnect to my passion and go after my dreams.
However, before you begin to take action and fully immerse yourself in doing what you desire, make sure that you understand that “happiness comes from within, and not from without.”
According to writer Murray Newlands, here’s how you can live the life that you were meant to live:
• Don’t let others define your success.
• You don’t need everything to be in a perfect place before you take the first step.
• Failure is part of the whole process.
Ask for Help
When you’ve already tried everything and still can’t find the answers that you’ve been looking for, don’t forget that you have friends and family that you can reach out to for help. These genuine connections not only make you feel stronger but they can also help you spot the important details that you miss.
In the piece “Why Your Friends May Know You Better Than You Do,” Dr. Ronald Riggio explains the crucial role of your friends in your journey to finding yourself.
You don’t always have to do things alone. Being surrounded by good friends gives you the benefit of seeing things from another person’s perspective, learning your own patterns and behaviors that you may be unaware of and identifying self-protective biases that you often use to guard your ego.
There are times when I do think that my friends know me better than I know myself. It’s always great to reconnect with them.
I love the tip about finding a quiet place to regroup.
Sometimes, it is really a good idea to disconnect from the whole world and have some quiet alone time. It always helps me think about my life, my goals and what my next step in life is going to be.
You are so right about the fact that happiness comes from within. If you are no happy by yourself, you really can’t expect anyone to make you happy.
I never understood this when I was younger because I didn’t see the harm in finding happiness in a solid relationship, but now that I’m a little older, I totally get it. Having a solid relationship in the first place is almost impossible if you aren’t happy from the inside out.
Once I was reminded by a friend that I looked distant and disconnected. I didn’t realize that I was too comfortable in my own world, so I didn’t bother opening myself up again to them. I realize that loneliness (or egoism, in this case?) can also be dangerous because it’s very comfortable.
It is always great to listen to friends and especially when you know that they will always give an honest opinion. I had to reach a point where I paid attention to those friends who were constantly fearless in correcting me. As a woman, you have to always surround yourself with valuable friends.
Helping others in whatever way you can is a great way to forget about your own troubles or to put them into perspective. People so often shine in times like that and it’s more likely than not that they find their passion and purpose in being good to the less fortunate.
This is a really informative piece. A lot of times we get so caught up in our lives that we don’t stop to take the time to give to ourselves so that we can overflow and give to others. You just can’t give others something that you don’t have, so it’s more important to take care of yourself first, and then you’ll be able to take care of the needs of others.