Image by: maura24
By Anne Cacherell
The other day, I had a big argument with my husband. He was looking for the phone we use exclusively for our car security control and he blamed me for keeping it the last time we went out.
Being defensive, I got really angry and accused him for accusing me of something I didn’t do. So, I asked him to check in his drawers while I did my own search in the purse I was carrying that day we went out.
Turns out, he was right. It was inside my purse. Embarrassed by my behavior, I still continued playing angry. However, I felt guilty when my husband embraced me and said sorry.
I know I was supposed to be the one saying that but between him and me, he has always been the bigger person. Maybe that’s why I am married to him.
Today, I want to share with you some of the things I’ve learned from my marriage about how trying to become the bigger person will always make you happier.
Choose to be kind over being right. Choose to be happy over being the winner.
Giving up the need to always win an argument and leaving your ego behind will give you more peace of mind and will also help you improve the quality of your relationship. At the end of the day, “winning” or making your partner feel bad won’t really bring you pleasure.
However, this is not to say that you just have to agree with everything because it is still important to learn how to properly communicate yourself and express your point of view. What I’m trying to say is that there is no need to compete and you have to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.
Instead of getting into an intense and long argument, pay attention to what your partner has to say, listen and give yourself some time to arrange your thoughts in your head before you actually open your mouth and say something hurtful.
To help you focus on more important things rather than just “winning,” check this out – “12 Steps For Achieving a Relationship You’ll Value Your Whole Life.”
I think that always working to keep your relationship strong will make you and your partner both winners.
Always choose to step forward into growth over stagnation.
There’s a truth in the saying, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Playing it safe all the time and staying away from uncertainty will stop you from achieving extraordinary things in your life.
Let’s take for example the savvy women entrepreneurs of Libya, who are building business amid political and economic turmoil.
In a city beset by conflict, constant blackouts and currency fluctuations, these women remained optimistic and never stopped going after their big dreams by joining MEDA, a community created by a Canadian non-profit organization that helps women increase their business know-how through workshops and networking events.
In addition, given the ongoing security concerns in Libya, MEDA also started an online program designed to reach women who are living in rural areas.
Instead of being afraid of all the violence and explosions brought by the civil war, these women choose to move forward and look for opportunities for personal growth.
To avoid bigger conflicts, try to be a little more flexible with your plans.
This suggestion may seem difficult but being open to altering your plans won’t kill you. In life, you will always encounter a lot of changes that will demand plenty of adjustments on your end. A little willingness to sacrifice only proves that you are mature enough to choose the peaceful approach instead of adding more troubles.
Maintaining healthy relationships with the people around you will give you a sense of fulfillment rather than just getting things your way all the time.
In the piece “What Happens to Your Brain and Body When You Do What Inspires You,” writer Thais Gibson explains the advantage of having approachable goals over avoidance goals.
For example, when you choose to sacrifice your plans for your partner, it helps you become happier and more fulfilled if you think that you decided to do that because you want to make your partner happy rather than just merely avoiding argument.
Being open to changes and at the same time being approach-oriented will make you a more positive and a more fulfilled person.
Learn to accept that people, even the ones closest to you, will do things that won’t always please you.
I hate to say this, ladies, but life is not fair. The earlier you embrace this hard truth, the easier things will be for you.
Since nobody is perfect, not even you, it would help to be a little bit more forgiving with other’s imperfections, craziness and shortcomings. It doesn’t make sense to hold grudges and resentment in your heart as it will only make you weak, sick and hostile.
This could be mentally challenging, so to help you alter your mind positively, check this out – “How Physical Exercise Makes Your Brain Work Better.”
It’s not easy to handle disappointments, to feel that you’re being taken for granted, to be ignored and to forgive. But that’s the essence of being the bigger person – not letting these insignificant feelings bring you down and interfere with your happiness and peace.