This post may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy, I may receive a small commission. Please read my full disclosure policy for details.
It’s hard to let go and act like something didn’t bother you, or hurt you. But being the bigger person will help you push through and become a better person.
The other day, I had a big argument with my husband. He was looking for the phone we use exclusively for our car security control and he blamed me for keeping it the last time we went out.
Being defensive, I got really angry and accused him for accusing me of something I didn’t do. So, I asked him to check in his drawers while I did my own search in the purse I was carrying that day we went out.
Turns out, he was right. It was inside my purse. Embarrassed by my behavior, I still continued playing angry. However, I felt guilty when my husband embraced me and said sorry.
I know I was supposed to be the one saying that but between him and me, he has always been the bigger person. Maybe that’s why I am married to him.
Today, I want to share with you some of the things I’ve learned from my marriage about how trying to become the bigger person will always make you happier.
Being The Bigger Person Takes Work, But It’s Worth It
1. Choose to be kind over being right
Choose to be happy over being the winner.
Giving up the need to always win an argument and leaving your ego behind will give you more peace of mind and will also help you improve the quality of your relationship. At the end of the day, “winning” or making your partner feel bad won’t really bring you pleasure.
However, this is not to say that you just have to agree with everything. It’s still important to learn how to properly communicate and express your point of view. What I’m trying to say is that there is no need to compete. You just need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.
Instead of getting into an intense and long argument, pay attention to what your partner has to say. Listen and give yourself some time to arrange your thoughts in your head before you actually open your mouth and say something hurtful.
Working to always keep your relationship strong will make you and your partner both winners.
2. Always choose to step forward into growth over stagnation
There’s a truth in the saying, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Playing it safe all the time and staying away from uncertainty will stop you from achieving extraordinary things in your life.
Let’s take for example the savvy women entrepreneurs of Libya, who are building business amid political and economic turmoil.
In a city beset by conflict, constant blackouts and currency fluctuations, these women remained optimistic and never stopped going after their big dreams. They joined MEDA, a community created by a Canadian non-profit organization that helps women increase their business know-how through workshops and networking events.
In addition, given the ongoing security concerns in Libya, MEDA also started an online program designed to reach women who are living in rural areas.
Instead of being afraid of all the violence and explosions brought by the civil war, these women choose to move forward and look for opportunities for personal growth.
3. Being more flexible will help you avoid conflict
This suggestion may seem difficult, but being open to altering your plans won’t kill you. In life, you will always encounter a lot of changes that will demand plenty of adjustments on your end.
A little willingness to sacrifice only proves that you are mature enough to choose the peaceful approach instead of adding more troubles.
Maintaining healthy relationships with the people around you will give you a sense of fulfillment rather than just getting things your way all the time.
For example, when you choose to sacrifice your plans for your partner, it helps you become happier and more fulfilled if you think that you decided to do that because you want to make your partner happy rather than just merely avoiding argument.
Being open to changes and at the same time being approach-oriented will make you a more positive and a more fulfilled person.
4. Learn to accept that people, even the ones closest to you, will do things that won’t always please you
I hate to say this, ladies, but life is not fair. The earlier you embrace this hard truth, the easier things will be for you.
Since nobody is perfect, not even you, it would help to be a little bit more forgiving with other’s imperfections, craziness and shortcomings. It doesn’t make sense to hold grudges and resentment in your heart as it will only make you weak, sick and hostile.
This could be mentally challenging, so to help you alter your mind positively, check this out – “How Physical Exercise Makes Your Brain Work Better.”
It’s not easy to handle disappointments, to feel that you’re being taken for granted, to be ignored and to forgive. But that’s the essence of being the bigger person – not letting these insignificant feelings bring you down and interfere with your happiness and peace.
By Anne Cacherell
This is such a great piece and I like the part where you talk about being the bigger person. At times, I really struggle to apologize to my partner even when I am evidently wrong and this really gets him angry. I now see how not letting ego overtake emotion is very important. At the end of the day, saying ‘sorry’, even when it is undeserved, will most probably make the other person aware of the shortcomings thereof.
I so agree with this article. When I was younger I was the type who always had to have the last angry word. Now, I have mellowed out a lot and I am always the first to apologize when I am wrong. Life goes much smoother this way.
This article speaks to me on a personal level today as I went through a similar situation as the writer over the weekend. It is just too easy to be angry, but being angry really keeps us from enjoying life. Moving on, being the bigger person and apologizing when you need to is one of the ways we grow, and it is also one of the ways we keep happiness in our life.
A piece of advice I read one time that actually relates to this said that it didn’t matter who won in a fight because regardless, you BOTH actually lost. When you are in a relationship with someone, you’re a team. So, like in any sport, you’re only as strong as your weakest player and even if one teammate keeps making awesome goals, if the team loses the game, ALL of the players lost. I really am glad to see an article about choosing to be happy and to get over petty things for the sake of having a happy relationship with everyone around you.
What a great lesson to learn, be the bigger person. There are some times in life when being the bigger person means cutting ties and walking away. I try to keep a level head when it comes to all relationships in my life.
I guess it’s true that sometimes we don’t apologize because we are in the wrong, but more because someone needs to say it first for things to calm down. It doesn’t mean we should always surrender when it’s not our mistakes because one problem is different to another.
I agree with you Gracie. One of the things I struggle with every day is to be more forgiving and let go of old hurts and resentments. There is something very liberating when you can forgive someone, whether on a big or small level! Just saying “I forgive you” lifts a terrible weight.
It isn’t always easy to be the bigger person, but at the end of the day, you get much more joy out of doing that them fighting about it. Sometimes the peace of being the bigger person is even better than winning the argument to begin with.