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The other day, while I was listening to an old song called “Maybe This Time” on the radio, one of my former classmates in college, Abigail, changed her relationship status on Facebook from “It’s complicated” to “In a relationship.” When I checked who this mystery guy was that she had been talking about on her social media for the past couple of months, I was surprised to find out that it was a guy I knew from college as well.
It was her old flame Ethan. They were college sweethearts but for some reason they broke up after graduation. Both of them are on my friends, list so I was kind of updated with their lives. Abigail was once married to a foreigner and had 2 children, while Ethan had a few serious relationships.
I just find it so amazing that after 15 years, they are reunited and are trying to rekindle their past. Maybe this time, it’s going to be forever for them. Who knows, but I do hope it works for them.
Second chances are always accompanied by some tough issues and difficult dilemmas especially if you’re the one who has been wronged. It is very important to think wisely and protect your heart from being broken again.
Today, I came up with some guidelines that you can use to know what warrants a second chance, do the right thing and come up with a sound decision that you’ll never regret.
When You Are Capable of Trusting Again
Rekindling an old relationship can be very confusing. There are certain cases wherein second chances may lead to a more mature and fulfilling relationship; and there are also situations wherein “Getting Back with An Ex Will Only Prove How Much You’ve Both Changed.”
Writers for Ambrose Girls explain how we grow and evolve over time. It is possible that the person you once knew intimately has changed completely.
In my opinion, you shouldn’t dare look back and rekindle the past unless:
• You can learn to accept the person regardless of what they have become
• You believe that the lessons you’ve both learned from the past can be used towards improving things
• You think that the barriers that caused your breakup are irrelevant
• You are capable of forgiving and renewing your trust despite all the things that happened
If you’re not ready and capable for all the conditions I stated above, then I think it’s better to just leave everything to be the beautiful thing it was in the past and move on without each other.
When Change is Likely
The sentiment “I’m sorry” means nothing when the person hasn’t learned anything, hasn’t achieved self-growth and has continued disappointing you and letting you down.
You have to understand that not all people are capable of mending their ways. Sometimes, for them to realize that something needs changing, you have to let them go so that they can learn to help themselves and face their issues on their own.
If someone is truly sorry about something, they will accept their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions instead of justifying them.
In the piece “8 Signs an Employee Should Be Fired (Which Never Appears on Performance Evaluations,” writer Jeff Haden teaches you how to clearly spot incompetent and unbelievably lazy people who are not doing any good for your business.
Letting go of some people in your life doesn’t mean that you are not capable of forgiving. So don’t feel bad about yourself. Instead, be firm with your decision and understand that forgiving is about understanding and not about condoning someone’s bad behavior.
When It Is Worth Your Time
When you’re actually making progress no matter how slow and when it’s actually too important to ignore, by all means, give it another try.
And this time, I’m not just talking about relationships, but I’m referring to activities that are just too rewarding to disregard, like physical fitness.
Sometimes, when you’re training real hard and you’ve reached your peak, it’s hard to avoid feeling lazy. It’s easy to lose enthusiasm and feel like all you want to do is give up.
To help you overcome fitness plateau, check this out – “A Professional Runner’s Top 5 Tips for Making It to the Finish Line.”
Writer Becky Wade shares good advice on how to make things happen and how not to give up on yourself especially when the going gets tough.
When It Gives You Peace, Health & Happiness
The Harvard Study of Adult Development conducted the longest study on happiness and the result isn’t really that surprising.
According to Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, what actually makes us happy is not wealth, fame nor working harder. It’s good relationships that keep us happier and healthier.
Resentment and loneliness are killers. Therefore, if reconnecting with someone, giving second chances and fixing your broken relationships would make you happier, physically healthier and would give you peace of mind, I don’t see any reason why you should hesitate and not take advantage of the opportunity.
Ladies, the main thing to consider is your heart. You only get one in a lifetime so you should protect it at all cost, regardless if it means forgiving a person or cutting someone out of your life for good.
Giving second chances is not an easy decision to make but it would surely make way for exciting and new possibilities ahead.
I am a complete believer that a relationship can work second time round. I had it myself.
First time around, you can be too young and not yet know what you want or what makes you happy, so a relationship simply will not work. Sometimes you can meet the right person at the wrong time.
But on the second attempt, when you are both a little older….. It can work.
It’s silly to assume that the person I was 10 years ago is the same person I am now. We evolve, change, learn and grow. Here’s to hoping that your friends have rounded out enough in wisdom and grace to be able to complement each other in life’s crooked paths.
Taking a second chance is easier said than done. I think whether you should take the second chance or not depends on how much you love that person and your past with him.
Sometimes it’s easy to look back on periods of time with rose tinted glasses. I would be willing to give a relationship a second chance, but once the newness of it had worn off, if things hadn’t actually changed and I was reminded of why we had split up in the first place, I think I woukd have to walk away for good.
It would be great if two people can get together again after a breakup. It actually proves that they love each other a lot. But they also have to bear in mind of the reasons why they broke up before so that they won’t make the same mistakes in the future.
My thoughts exactly. I know a friend who got back with her ex-boyfriend and even though they dated for one year, they realized they were actually not meant for each other. You can imagine the kind of heartbreak after giving each other a second chance. Nonetheless, I think this works for other people.
I “went back” to an ex-partner and I realized in those few months exactly why I left in the first place. We had both grown as people, but unfortunately, we had grown farther apart. We parted amicably, but we realized our futures were going in different directions.
People say we are not our own. There are many relationships and situations to consider, which sometimes we need to put above our feelings. That can be a reason for break up, and it’s a wall before we can revisit old relationships.