Image by: Elizabeth Jerman
By Julie Redwood
Relationships don’t get any easier the longer that you and your partner are together. In fact, it has the potential to get even more difficult as the years pass by. The more the both of you get to know each other, boredom has the potential to set in, compounded with the ubiquitous monotony of knowing each other all too well.
It’s no surprise that the spice of a relationship is to keep things interesting in the bedroom, as well as out of it. However, if your relationship is waning and you don’t know why it’s going that route, then it’s time to take a good look at at yourself and find a common denominator as to why it’s going down the drain.
According to Elaine Fantle Shimburg, author of Blending Families, “You can’t communicate while you’re checking your Blackberry or watching TV flipping through the sports section.” So if you’re looking to make that move to save your relationship from breaking apart, here are some tips to consider.
#1) Non-compatibility in the Bedroom
Sex is one of the biggest reasons why relationships do not stand the test of time. Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch, sexually. According to Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, she suggests that a lack of self-awareness and education can compound these problems.
She also suggests that having sex is the last thing that should go in a relationship. it releases hormones, brings the two of you closer together and makes healthy couples even healthier.
To solve issues in the bedroom, you’ve got to plan. Perhaps during the baby’s afternoon nap or by sending a kids off to the aunt’s house so the two of you can be alone together. Even if it’s once every other week, having sex on the calendar increases anticipation so that spark stays there. You can learn what truly turns your partner on by coming up with a “sexy list”, according to Allison Cohen, a California psychotherapist.
If all else fails and your sexual problems cannot be resolved on your own, then perhaps a visit to a sex or couple therapist can get to the root of the issue.
#2) For the Love of Money
Money is the number one cause for breakups in marriages and couples who cohabitate. Financial woes can stem from the costs of planning a wedding to who’s responsibility it is to help with certain bills. The National Foundation for Credit (NFCC) suggests that couples sit down and have a serious conversation about the finances and who handles them.
Be honest with your current financial situation. If things are going south because the both of you are spending haphazardly then you obviously can’t keep going down this path. Aside from that, you should never keep your spending habits a secret from your partner, this also goes for the two of you if you have a joint account together.
While it’s good to save money and plan for the future, if you do decide to get a joint account together, then you should allow each other freedom to spend at your own discretion by setting aside extra money. Also planning for those unexpected moments will also keep the both of you prepared for whatever may come.
#3) Battling Over Chores
Both partners usually work outside the home and sometimes one partner, or both, may have to take up a second job to keep up with expenses and bills. If neither one of you are stay-at-home parents, then it’s only fair to divide responsibility between each other. In this instance, it isn’t fair to delegate certain roles to your partner because of gender stereotypes. Instead, delegate responsibility according to who does the job best. Maybe your husband or boyfriend is a good cook and you couldn’t boil an egg. Perhaps you know all about how to fix cars while your husband prefers to tend to the gardening and upkeep of the yard.
Regardless of what you do, being organized and clear about who does what in the home will not only make it easier for the both of you, but will hold off on any potential resentments in the future.
Perhaps both of you hate cleaning, then hire a cleaning service, or if you find mowing the lawn to be therapeutic then by all means, have a go at it. As long as it’s fair to both of you, whatever works!
#4) Resolving Conflict
Every relationship goes through some type of conflict in one way or another, as conflict is part of like. According to Susan Silverman, New York-based psychologist, if you and your partner feel like nothing you do helps with getting along with each other, it’s time to break free of this toxic routine. If you take the effort, you can look at the issue from a different perspective and assess the situation better.
Be honest. When you’re in the middle of an argument with your partner, are your comments geared towards resolving the conflict or getting the last word in? If so, then you need to take a deep breathe and change your strategy if you trly want the relationship to work.
Apologize when you’re wrong. Little comments can go a long way. Fessing up to you faults can do wonders for your relationship. Don’t make a habit of apologizing for every single thing, but if you know it hurts the other person, then it wouldn’t hurt to make amends by being the first person to say you were wrong and then afterwords, quit what you’re doing to hurt the relationship.
Relationships can be quite taxing if the two of you are like night and day. No relationship is argument or worry-free. It’s how you handle your conflicts together that can make or break the both of you.
Let’s hear you opinions on the topic. Do you find relationships difficult or are you always the one to apologize first, no matter what? No matter how much we may love the other person, sometimes the fighting isn’t fair. What are some strategies that you would add to bring partners closer together and change for the better? Your suggestions are appreciated!