Is It Romance, Or Science? 3 Ways to Tell If the Chemistry In Your Relationship Is Real


Image by: Raymond Bryson

By Agatha Schuring

Ladies, we are always looking for some sign that we are with the right person. We want to know that we are making the best decisions for us and our future selves.

In the end, it is not a mathematical process so much as it is a spiritual process, and this can often lead to mistakes in the romantic field.

For this reason, if you are looking for your perfect match, it is essential to understand your feelings and how your emotions work. This can take years to perfect, but it is the best way to understand the chemistry of love (because even though we use that word to make it seem like an exact science, it is definitely not).

So, if you are trying to understand what exactly chemistry is and how it can work for you, check out these three things you should be looking for in your next relationship (or in this relationship).

#1) You Feel a Connection

Note how I use the word “feel” here. In order to feel the connection I speak of, it is important to understand how your own feelings work. This will keep you from misinterpreting a feeling as that connection.

You may have noticed that you and a previous boyfriend had that instant connection when you met, but it still didn’t work out for the two of you. Well, when the instant connection comes along, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you have the romantic chemistry that everyone seems to talk about.

Therefore, it is essential to consider the circumstances surrounding this feeling of connection that seemed so real. If there was alcohol involved, you may be misinterpreting the chemistry connection. If other feelings had some form of affect (i.e. you recently went through a breakup, you recently had a major life change, etc.) on this feeling of connection, you may be connecting him to something else in your life, which could have a negative effect.

In the end, it is important to understand where your feelings came from. If the two of you became instant friends, and in the following weeks, you just seemed to get closer and closer, your chemistry is most likely on the right track.

So, make sure you analyze where this feeling of connection came from, and how it is affecting your relationship currently.

#2) The More You Learn About Each Other, the More You Want to Learn About Each Other

You felt the connection, you have deduced that it is a natural connection, and you are ready to know more about this man. As you take and become closer, you realize that you want to know everything about him, and he feels the same for you.

Once we’ve had a certain amount of experience, ladies, we become a little more intuitive as to what we want from a relationship. Sometimes, this can lead us to falling out of a feeling quickly or gradually as we learn more about the person we are with.

What we learn can be anything from the way he eats his food to the more damning evidence of something that he has done in his past. Trust your instincts when you begin falling out of interest. When your brain begins checking out of a relationship, your emotions will soon follow—no matter how “nice” he is as a person.

If you have met a man that you are interested in (as far as intelligence and all around lifestyle are concerned), take note of what interests you the most, and how that interest is nurturing your relationship with him. This is a strong sign that the two of you make a great concoction in the chemistry department.

#3) Bounce Back From Arguments

Now, there are a few things you should know. All relationships have down times. If you have never had a single argument in your relationship, you should definitely wonder why. Spend some time focusing on how the two of you work with elements that you disagree on. Is he always giving in? Are you always giving in? This doesn’t necessarily mean compromise is in effect. As a matter of fact one or both of you are gaining a little bit of resentment toward the other for not addressing issues and just laying down when confrontation arises.

On the other hand, if the two of you argue often, but you come to a compromise that is intelligent and makes both of you happy, you could have some pretty strong chemistry. However, if the arguments are so frequent that they make you fall out of interest, this could mean that the chemistry you once thought you had isn’t as strong as you once imagined it to be.

So, when it comes to arguments there are two things to note: 1. How frequent are these arguments? and 2. How well do the two of you get over these arguments?

You are the only one who can decide if the frequency of arguing is affecting your relationship. Additionally, when it comes to how the two of you overcome arguments, a good sign that you have great chemistry is how both partners gauge the arguments against the feelings of the relationship.

For example, if you love eating cereal, but he hates the thought of cereal so much that he doesn’t want it in the house, you may gauge this as something that the both of you can compromise on. Perhaps, you can have cereal in the house once a month.

If you think this argument isn’t worth having, and he will get over the fact that cereal is in the house all of the time, you have a stronger chemistry than those who spend hours arguing over who has power over the cereal storage in the household.

In the end, it is up to you to gauge whether or not this argument means that you have strong chemistry.

Romantic chemistry is all about how you perceive a relationship, and what a relationship is supposed to be in your eyes. You should always know where your feelings are coming from and how your feelings interact with others’ feelings. Remember to look for that connection, how much you want to learn about this person, and how the two of you work for arguments. What is chemistry to you? Share with us in the comments below!

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