Funny Marriage Advice That Actually Works

old couple
Image by: Ghostboy
By H. Daniels

When it comes to wedding, there is enough to stress about without having to listen to marriage advice from your drunk Uncle Ted who has been married four times already. Let me give you the best advice that I’ve ever heard about marriage: Don’t forget to breathe. In fact, why don’t we do that right now. Take a nice deep breath in and slowly let it out. Feel better?

I’ve heard a lot of marriage advice in my time. I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times and had my fair share of relationships that I’m just going to dub, “learning experiences.” I’ve also found someone that I’m going to love spending the rest of my life with.

The thing about marriage advice the really annoys me is that everyone takes it so seriously. Sure, marriage can be serious business but marriage can be fun too. So, in light of that, I’d like to offer up some funny marriage advice that I’ve come across. The best part: it’s all true and it all works.

#1) ”The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” – Peter De Vries

When you get married you may be thinking, “Yay! I did it! Now all that changing and chaos is over.” I’m sorry to say that’s not true at all. Marriage is just a way for you to find a partner-in-crime. Your chaos days aren’t over at all.. Just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean that there’s a pretty little bow on it and it’ll stay like this moment forever. A marriage is just like any other relationship, they change and evolve.

#2) ”A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” – Ingred Bergmen

You shouldn’t forget to kiss each other every day, no matter what kind of mood you are in or if he “forgot” to help you with the dishes or kept you up all night snoring. It’s the little things (like your kisses) that you’re going to miss when you can’t have it anymore. So take advantage of what you do have and kiss him like it’s your last day on earth.

#3) ”Make sure you agree on how you’re going to live your crotchety years together.”

That one was from a friend (a long time ago) and it’s been my favorite. You should be able to spend those years of your life doing what you want. You’ve earned it. So make sure that the man you marry will want to spend his retirement years in the same way or at least make sure to compromise.

#4) ”We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.”

This is a fantastic quote because it is true. We are all unique people with various different quirks. The key to finding love is to find someone whose quirks and “uniqueness” matches yours. It doesn’t need to match yours perfectly but you should be able to appreciate each other’s quirks. Remember, you will be spending the rest of your life with that person.

#5) ”None of us want to grow up to be our parents but we do. So watch out – you just married your in-laws.”

I love my parents and won’t mind adapting some of their traits (that I didn’t appreciate when I was younger). You’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you’re going to turn into your mom and that your man will turn into his mom and/or dad. Do you think you can handle that?

#6) ”A happy woman marries the man she loves; a happier woman loves the man she marries.”

We all change during the course of our relationships. Sometimes the change is for the better and sometimes the change is for the worst. You and your man will go through your fair share of transformations. The key is to be there for each other while you do. Look at your man now, what kind of changes can you picture (and I don’t mean physically)?

If you were to morph his personality with his parents, what would you get? Do you think you can live with that for the rest of your life?

These funny marriage advice tips can be humorous or frightening (it depends on how you look at them) but they are one thing no matter how you look at it: true. Your man will turn into his parents. You will change. You will have to live with him, even when he’s a crotchety old man. But just think, he is your crotchety old man and you can both tell the “young whipper snappers” to “get off my lawn” together.


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