Image by: picjumbo
By Vanessa Green
A friend of mine asked me to accompany her shopping last week. We were both invited to a wedding and she wanted to buy a new dress to wear. She specifically wanted a long evening dress, which is more expensive than a casual one. So, off we went to the nearest mall and started the search of the day!
As I expected, we couldn’t find a dress that fit her budget. I forgot to mention in the beginning that she is currently unemployed and her husband is doing part time contractual work. Tired and frustrated, she began to grumble about her marriage and how she felt like she was doing all the sacrificing for him.
She said she was supposed to have a bigger budget for her dress, but she decided to split the money so she could buy a new shirt for him too. She described sharing her shopping money as a “sacrifice.” To cut the story short, she ended up “not sacrificing” and instead bought herself an expensive dress that was way beyond her budget.
Our attitude towards something determines what we can and cannot do and how well or poorly we can deliver.
In “Things That Actually Matter in a Relationship But People Overlook Them,” there are many thought-provoking things that may trigger negative reactions. Money was mentioned as one of the most important things that bonds a couple together.
I could never agree more! Let’s face it – Love alone won’t pay the bills! Thing is when you tell people that money is vital in relationships, they judge you immediately and accuse you of being materialistic. Girl, money can’t buy love but it can certainly buy food, clothing and shelter! Aren’t we supposed to be practical?
Well, I think my friend lacked perspective on this matter. Let me continue the story.
She was so pleased with her new dress. In all fairness, it was really gorgeous and a good pick for the price she paid for. Now, here comes the next dilemma. She almost used up all her cash so she went and checked her bank to withdraw the money that she and her husband were expecting that day, but it wasn’t available yet. Feeling disappointed, she began ranting about everything.
Stop torturing yourself with negativity. Sometimes, suffering comes from within. Instead, try to think better by choosing to give meaningful and positive thoughts to everything that is happening in your life.
Jessica Stillman gives us a more detailed explanation in her piece, “Complaining is Terrible For You, According to Science.” Based on a scientific study, negativity can have serious terrible repercussions on our mental health. To make it simple, it said it can literally kill us.
Constant venting can lead to more disappointments and self-sabotage. When we let these negative emotions take us over, there’s a tendency for us to become deaf to those who may be raising good points and blind to other options and possible solutions. So, instead of feeling frustrated, why don’t we try to channel our energy in ways to make things better?
As for my friend, how I wish we had something similar to LENA Fashion Library in our area so she didn’t have to spend too much on that dress. It is a concept store wherein you can borrow a fashion item for a certain period of time for a very practical price.
You’re probably wondering what happened to my friend after she realized that they won’t have enough funds for the following days. Well, she ended up trying to borrow money from me but I wasn’t able to help her. She even tried a quick loan place, but had no luck. I don’t know how she was able to produce the funds, but I hope she learned her lesson.
Self-imposed high expectations drive us into the ground. If you don’t set boundaries, you will be overwhelmed by negativity and you will never be healed.
In the piece “Why Millennial Women are Burning Out,” the author points out several reasons why many of us experience exhaustion, lack of interest in things, and are unhappy with what we do.
Though gender expectations have a lot to do with it, a big part of it is caused by our own doing. We push ourselves to the limits, take more than what we can handle, burn the candle at both ends and then later realize that we can’t stand the heat.
Go easy on yourself, girl. Learn to create your own happy space and set boundaries to allow proper rest, healing and renewal.
This world doesn’t give us a single road map to happiness. There are many directions to take and sometimes we have to learn by trial and error.
I feel sad that my friend has to go through all that stress, but sometimes, we need to learn things the hard way and realize that despite the failures, what matters the most is the whole learning experience itself.
It’s about how you carry a positive attitude, how you decide to find good in everything, and understand that not having enough, not doing enough and not being good enough are three different things.