Image by: Lori
By H. Daniels
Statistics show that there are 2,077,000 marriages every year. That means that 6.8 of every 1000 people in America are getting married. However the divorce rate is nearly half that amount.
If half of those married couples (approximately 1,000,000 couples) are getting divorced every year, what was the reasoning behind getting married in the first place? Did they rush into marriage? Were there issues to start with and they though “getting married” would fix it?
How do you know if you got married too fast? A couple of years ago, a report done by the CDC studied and published the rate at which Americans were getting divorced and the statistics were staggering. 27.6% of women who were under the age of 20 were getting divorced. That percentage jumped to 36.6% in women between the ages of 20 and 24. Are women getting married too young? Or too fast?
#1) Becoming Exclusive Versus “Let’s Get Married”
A study done in 2009 concluded that most couples begin to become “exclusive” after 6 to 8 dates. If you go on a couple dates a week, which means that you begin to consider each other your “partner” (whether that would mean boyfriend, or whatever terminology you prefer) after a month or two.
Let’s say that each date lasts about three hours, which means that you see each other for roughly 20 hours before you realize that you like this person enough to see each other exclusively.
Those statistics doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re rushing into things (especially considering that this is just dating – which means that you can break-up with each other without permanent or legal damage). However, if we rush into marriage as fast as we rush into “dating each other exclusively”, then we may be seeing the problem. But why rush?
#2) Why Would Someone Rush Into Marriage?
A strong reason may be due to the economy. In America, our economic instability may be leading to women getting married fairly quickly because marriage will get you out of your parents’ home, bring two incomes into your new household, allow for each other to share benefits packages, etc. It is economically sound to get married.
Another reason may be a touch more superficial: we want to appear successful. What characteristics and accomplishments do you correlate with the term “successful”? A great career, a wonderful home, and a happy, healthy family, right? In Darwinism, the appearance of a happy, healthy (and big) family would be successful as well. This is also seen in other cultures as well.
One last reason that I want mention is the “I want to be a grown-up” factor. A lot of women get married because that is what is supposed to happen in their timeline, after college. However, that’s not necessarily true anymore. In fact, it’s much more sensible to grow as an individual (professionally and as a person) before you get married.
There are many more reasons why women may want to rush into marriage:
“What if he ends up being the only one who would want to marry me?”
“What if this is a once in a lifetime chance?”
“If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce…”
“I don’t want him to meet someone else…”
However, if you have any doubt that you may be rushing into things or that he may not be “the one”, by all means, just tell him that you can’t make that decision right now. Be the strong, confident woman that I know you are. Know your worth.
So let’s say that you’re married and you find that you and your husband aren’t getting along. You’re not just having fights every now and then – you are disagreeing all the time. How do you know the difference between “regular fighting and arguments” and “we probably shouldn’t be married”?
First of all, you need to know that marriages won’t thrive on neglect. Just like when you’re dating, you have to nurture your relationship. A lot of the time, once a woman is married, she will stop wearing make-up around her man unless they go out. She will walk around her house in bulky sweaters and sweats full of holes. What happened to trying to impress your husband?
Yes, he fell in love with you and he should know you well enough before you get married to love you even if you’re not in your little black dress. However, that is a mighty big culture shock.
#3) Can I Salvage My Marriage?
There are a number of things that you can do in order to try and salvage your marriage, if you believe that you got married too fast:
Love and praise him all the time.
Instead of snapping at him, talk with him when you are in distress. For example, if he’s trying to talk to you while you’re making dinner, you won’t be able to concentrate anyway (and also, that is really annoying). So tell him that you’d rather listen about his issue during dinner, when you can give him more of your attention.
Let the little things go. Sometimes those little fights don’t matter in the big scheme of things.
Fight like you have people over. If you have guests staying at your house, you’re not going to scream and throw things. So even if you don’t, pretend that there are guests over when you fight, so that you will be forced to act civilly.