Image by: Moyan Brenn
By Bailey Campbell
No matter how close you and your partner are, spending some time alone is necessary to have a healthy relationship. The key is not to try and avoid your partner at certain times, but to cultivate a way of being together that allows for individuality.
Here are a number of ways that you can create time for yourself without hurting your man’s feelings.
#1) Take Up a Solo Hobby
You don’t want to create an interest to get some alone time, but if you need some maybe it’s the perfect time to get a start on that thing you always said you wanted to do. Even if it’s just joining an online book club or something, you will still create the space that you need to do the reading in the first place.
#2) Catch Up With Old Friends
Whether we like it or not, there can be some shuffling around of priorities when we get into relationships and often this means spending more time with out significant other and less time with friends. It’s pretty common and it’s usually fine unless you’re totally isolated, but you always have reconnecting as a reason to get away for the weekend or something.
#3) Go Into Work Early Sometimes
If you’re an early riser and your mornings are mostly spent just prepping for the day, you might want to carve out a little time for arriving at the office early so you can eat alone occasionally, or do whatever you would like to do in a bit of peace. Think of it less as running away from someone, and more that you deserve to do whatever will rejuvenate you and ultimately make you happy.
#4) Offer It to Him
Here you are thinking that you’re the only one who could use some alone when it fact your man might be over there thinking the exact same thing! Casually bring it up sometime, mention how much time you guys spend together, and ask if he would rather have a day to himself every once in a while. Whether he feels the need to take solo time or not he will probably ask you right back, so be prepared to answer honestly.
#5) Be Clear About Why You Need It
Communicating to a partner that you need some alone time can be a little tricky since many people interpret that as needing space, which can be code for nearing break up territory. Think about why you need alone time so that you can accurately express it as such when you bring it up. Most people will understand pretty easily the need to have some quiet time for recharging.
With this is done from a place of mutual respect for each other and for the relationship, it can actually be a lot more simple than you might think. If your husband knows that you have favorite shows that you don’t expect him to watch with you, he’s free to use that time for his alone time, and vice versa. Respecting his space will be sure to get you some of your own.
#6) Have Actual Quiet Times
Sometimes you don’t need to leave the house to get your alone time, but you would just rather not talk for a bit. In a healthy relationship this can easily be negotiated. Maybe the first twenty minutes after you get home from work you use to shower and decompress or do whatever it is that helps you shake off the day. By that time you’re more likely to have readjusted to the home space and will be less likely to feel the need to push your guy away when he jumps in with stories of his own crazy day.
#7) Have Spots You Can Retreat To
If there are extra spaces in your home to make use of such as an office, you can assign that a safe alone time area. Basically everyone will know that when someone is using the office they are asking to be left alone for a bit to do whatever they might be doing. If you don’t have an office, try using a kitchen nook, or even the kitchen table.
Do you feel like you need some alone time in your relationship but aren’t sure exactly how to ask for it? Let us know if any of these tips help or if you have more ideas of your own to add!