Image by: rekre89
By Agatha Schuring
The two of you have established that you are now officially in a relationship. You’ve completed the preliminary dating process, and you have decided that it is now time to take it to the next level.
While your physical understanding with your partner is important for your relationship, adding emotional intimacy is just as important. Emotional intimacy also adds deeper layers to your connection.
Understanding your partner on an emotional level requires quite a bit of trust and strength on your behalf. This is why you might hear the advice “you should not look for someone to love you until you can love yourself.” You can only achieve true emotional intimacy once you get past all of the time you have been hurt by others.
If you are ready to take the plunge into emotional intimacy with your partner, but you’re not sure exactly how to do it, check out these five ways of taking your relationship to the emotional level.
#1) Pillow Talk
If you’ve already explored physical intimacy, it is important not to think of emotional intimacy as a step backwards. Instead, it’s time to introduce new things into your relationship to help deepen your understanding of your partner. Use pillow talk as a way to share your personal feelings and to listen to his personal feelings.
After your sexy time with your partner, lie next to him and run your fingers through his chest hair. Begin with a little short-term reminiscing, and discuss the highlights of the physical romp you just had.
Use this as a nice transition to discussing how to become more emotionally connected to each other.
Pillow talk is important, because the two of you just experienced each other in a physical way. It has opened a door to emotions. You both are at your most vulnerable at this moment, and it is time to share that vulnerability with each other.
#2) Slow Down the Physical Relationship
If you are beginning a new relationship, discuss your needs for emotional satisfaction with your partner. Tell him you’d like to “take it slow”. If course, if you do this, stick to your guns. Keep the physical aspects of your relationship at bay.
If that means not inviting him up for coffee after a date, because you’ll be too tempted, don’t invite him up.
According to Mark Tyrrell of uncommonhelp.com, “Increased hugging and holding hands with your partner, even if it doesn’t feel natural at first, can begin to increase intimacy. Just start to do it very gradually, else it might seem too sudden a change.” He goes on to describe how the nonsexual physical interaction leads to a deeper connection between two people.
This is essential to emotional intimacy. Connecting with your partner outside of the bedroom leads to stronger bonds of trust. This can bring you to a higher level in your relationship.
When it comes to sexual encounters, use your time with your partner wisely. Explore each other’s bodies slowly to ensure you’re working off of his feelings rather than carnal instincts.
If you have already begun physical relationship with your man, talk to him about slowing down. If you really want that emotional connection, you can even consider hitting the reset button on your entire physical relationship.
If you don’t think you’ll be able to control yourself, try making a schedule of how far you’ll go with each other each night.
Don’t forget to pay attention to his likes and dislikes, because when you slow down the physical, you pave the way for more discussions.
#3) Start Sharing Secrets
Give your man little pieces of information about yourself to help him understand your feelings. You may need to become a little more self-aware to help you succeed.
If you’re having a bad day, don’t be afraid to tell him “I get a little snappy when my boss is in town. I’m sorry; I can’t control it.” By explaining your moods to him, he will have a greater understanding of how you tick as well as how to defuse unstable situations.
Add to your secret disclosures by embracing your past with some honesty. Don’t just tell him what you feel; tell him why you feel a certain way.
Don’t forget to reciprocate. If he shares his feelings with you, try digging a little deeper and asking him why he feels that way. Showing interest in his emotions will open the door to your emotional intimacy.
#4) Trust Exercises
If you are having trouble opening up with your partner, or if he is having trouble opening up to you, try working on building your trust for one another.
Begin trust exercises not only creates a bonding experience, it can also lead to great inside jokes and stories.
Connect with each other by putting your wellbeing in his hands in a controlled environment. This will help you trust him easier in other situations.
#5) Start Using Emotional Terms
To really get your emotional intimacy kick started, you need to introduce the language of emotions. Bring them into your everyday conversations with your man.
Rori Raye of eHarmony.com suggests you “focus entirely on the feeling you’re having rather than on his behavior. Just rework what you instinctively want to say.”
For example, we oftentimes want to attack and accuse when we are feeling hurt. Instead of beginning statements with the word “you” and directing the statements toward the problem, begin statements with the word “I” and direct the statement toward how you feel about the problems.
This will really help you focus on expressing your emotions rather than what he is doing wrong. Ask him to try this exercise. It will really open him up!
Building emotional intimacy with your partner will help you create a strong foundation for your relationship. If you are not used to expressing your feelings due to negative experiences of your past, there are ways to open yourself up to your partner, and there are ways to get your partner to open up to you. What are some of the essentials of emotional intimacy you require in a relationship? Share with us in the comments below!