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By Anne Cacherell
Today, I am sitting on my bed waiting to see what’s going to happen to my marriage. Over the past few hours, while I’m trying my best to concentrate and finish this letter, I am also listening to a really bad argument between my husband and his mother. I could hear every single insult and negative thing she’s saying about my family, my kids and my life, but I can’t do anything except keep my cool because if I don’t, things will only get worse for my husband and for our marriage.
No woman should ever have to be in my position right now. However, I have to help myself find peace within the four corners of this bed, focus on the other positive things in my life, believe that this too will pass and prepare myself to deal with what I have left when this moment is finally over.
Ladies, there will be times when life will try to get the best out of you. It’s not going to be easy, but you need to help motivate yourself to be able to get through it and come out stronger.
Here are some things that you should always remember to get you through your toughest days.
What You’re Going Through Right Now is Temporary
When I was in high school, just before graduation, I passed around a notebook and asked my classmates, teachers, and other friends to write a short and simple message on it or something that would make me remember them by. One of them wrote this, “Everything in life is temporary. So if things are good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry because it can’t last forever either.”
From then on, this quote has become one of my guiding principles in life. It has helped me get through a lot of rough times. It inspired me to stay strong and it gave me hope whenever I felt like nothing around me was going right. It also reminded me that there’s a rainbow after the rain and healing after the pain.
In the piece “Why I’d Rather Have a Hard Goodbye Than Never Find Love At All,” writer Emily Rosman explains how these temporary events – the fear, the pain and all the heartaches – can empower you to change your life, to make it better and to grow even tougher.
Some relationships drift apart and dissolve into nothing. Others end abruptly, but no matter how badly goodbyes play out, you should feel lucky because it provides you with the opportunity to re-evaluate and cut out toxic people from your life. It gives you the chance to realize your worth, to get the love that you deserve, and rebuild yourself after your heart has been crushed.
What Others Think Of You is Not Your Business
I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that not everyone is going to love everything you do. Other people will try to bring you down, hate you and talk crap about you and there’s nothing that you can do about it. But the good news is that what others feel and think about you is none of your damn business.
So don’t try aggravating your situation by making a problem out of it. The best way to move on with your life is just to do the best you can and continue to be the functioning adult that you are, because if you always care too much about what other people think, you will never understand yourself and know your strengths. You will put yourself in a submissive position and you will end up being a slave to other people’s opinions and expectations for the rest of your life.
It will be a miserable experience to say the least ladies!
Worrying Changes Nothing
Worrying will not solve your problems, take away your troubles, or create positive change in your life. Instead, what it does is take away your peace, accumulate all your frustrations and helplessness, and keep you busy doing nothing. So, it doesn’t make sense to put this mental burden on yourself and or others around you.
Instead of complaining and worrying about your bad day, just suck it up girl! Train yourself to focus on finding solutions and divert your attention into doing something that will boost your mood and make you productive.
And to help you defeat your worries, stress, and troubles, and remain focused on the present, check this out – “Three Mindfulness Exercises to Reduce Anxiety.”
The Sensory Noticing exercise works for me. Whenever I feel lost in my negative thoughts and fears, this practice helps calm internal chatter and ground me. It took me some time to master it, but my efforts certainly paid off in the long run.
Allow Yourself to Feel Sad
Give yourself permission to be sad, to feel the pain and to work through the process of grief. Staying strong doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to feel any emotions or get hurt. So, just roll with your feelings instead of resisting them. Don’t bottle them up because ignoring them will just cause you more pain.
Ladies, allowing yourself to be sad, angry and uncertain makes your troubles a little less difficult. It helps you feel a little more in control and a little less pained. Acknowledging, understanding, and respecting your grief process brings you a little closer to healing every passing day and to celebrating the beauty of life once again.