Image by: Unsplash
By Tricia Tuazon
My friend Kayla used to have a negative and distorted self-view. Her insecurities about having a broken family, her financial status and her way of life all contributed to this. And by that I mean she parties a lot and she’s into casual hook ups; she has never believed that she was worthy of happiness and peace of mind. As a result, she’s ended messing up her relationships big time.
Kayla started dating Josh about a year ago. Josh is perfect boyfriend material. He runs a family business, he’s sweet, good-looking and thoughtful, and most importantly, he’s very serious with Kayla. You know, the typical man with a plan. However, according to Kayla, Josh is not as exciting as his brother John, also known as the black sheep of their family. John is a musician. He sings in a band and is also a drug addict. I don’t know how it happened, but Kayla ended up sleeping with John. So, when Josh found out about it, he immediately broke up with her.
And although she was wrong, she has been a very good friend to me so I felt the need to somehow be there for her. When I asked her why she did it, she told me that she thought that what she and Josh had was too good to be true and that somehow, she wanted to prove that to herself.
I know it sounds crazy, but I kind of understand her self-destructive ways. When you have low self-esteem, it’s kind of hard to convince yourself to believe that you are worthy of love, happiness or even success. And for some reason, you find ways to turn your fears into self-fulfilling prophecies. As a result, you make terrible decisions that could potentially ruin your life.
Ladies, to put your life in order and to have the courage to take action and pursue your dreams, it is important that you believe in yourself first. It may sound easier said than done but when you start making conscious efforts to have faith in yourself, you will be able to see the many possibilities and opportunities that the world can offer.
Here are some things that you should avoid doing to cure your disbelief in yourself and not to stand in the way of your own happiness.
Not Guarding Your Heart
Protect yourself from negative and toxic people that are draining the life out of you. You are not created to waste your days on this planet taking crap from people who don’t respect you.
In the piece “Your Toxic Relationship With Your SO Is Really A Toxic Relationship With Yourself,” writer Zara Barrie explains the importance of your opinion of yourself in finding a romantic partner.
If you actively choose to be with someone who treats you like crap, then you have underlying issues that you need to resolve within yourself. To fix it and be able to guard your heart, you must first convince yourself that you are awesome and that you don’t deserve someone who makes you cry every day and sees you as a piece of garbage.
Not Training Your Brain to Create Healthy Habits
I know it’s not easy to fight all the self-doubts that you have in your head, but you can’t obviously just expect yourself to gain confidence without doing anything on your end. Ladies, setting up an intention is not enough. You need to take action to make things happen.
If you want to shape up, you can’t just lose weight by staring at the ceiling. You should get your butt off that couch and look for a workout routine that is right for you and your personality. If you want success in your business, you can’t just sit there and wait. You must find ways to overcome personal obstacles that are holding you back from achieving your full potential.
Your life is a summary of your habits and of what you repeatedly do. So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and crying in the corner, work on forming new habits that can help you become a better person.
Allowing Your Inner Critic to Win All the Time
Enough with the negative self-talk! Get rid of that voice in your head telling you that you are not good enough. Stop putting conditions on your own happiness and waiting for everything to be perfect before you allow yourself to feel joy.
Also, everyone is far from being perfect, people have flaws and humans are designed to make mistakes so that we can grow from them and see the beautiful sides of life. So if you mess up, don’t be hard on yourself. Instead, embrace the experience, learn your lesson and come back stronger.
To change your self-talk and silence your inner critic, you should avoid telling yourself these 7 things on a daily basis.
The fourth one works for me. Never apologize for being yourself. If people find you boring or they don’t understand why you like the things you like, that’s their problem, not yours. So, stay true to yourself, be original and everything will work out just fine.