Image by: Steven Depolo
By Agatha Schuring
You go through the same thing over and over again. Whether the cycle lasts three minutes, three months, or three years, it is always the same. Men seem to have become predictable.
With this predictability, you’ve decided that all men are the same. You know exactly what they’ll do or say to begin and end the relationship.
If you’ve experienced a pattern of bad relationships, it’s common to react in a way that lumps all men into a category. How do you break your dating cycle?
#1) His Approach
When I moved to Las Vegas, it didn’t take me long to catch on to the flirtation methods of the bar scene.
He makes eye contact, then smiles, and then comes over to talk. He talks about my sign, tells me how compatible our signs are (even if they aren’t). Next, he tells me everything wrong with all the girls in this town, and then tells me I’m nothing like the girls in this town.
Every man who chatted me up in a bar completed each of these seven steps, in this order, with no variation.
Those lucky enough to receive my phone number brought it back upon me when it was time to part ways: “You are just like every other woman in this town.”
Umm… Vice versa, dear.
If you are seeing patterns in the approaches of men, it is time to evaluate the men who are attracted to you.
#2) Realizing the Situation
Fed up, I once asked a pre-med student why men always ask about my sign.
His response: “All women have some interest in astrology. It is a great way to make a connection based on a common thread.”
I rolled my eyes, and said “Next you’re going to tell me that I’m not like other girls in this town.”
He said: “But you’re not!”
Two months later, I was.
It took me a few months after that conversation to realize the most important thing: These men were not all the same. They were just all at the same stage in dating: close to college graduation, pressured by the societal norms of where they “should” be.
And I was attracting them.
Soon after, I left the bar scene and hit the internet dating world. While there were some men who pulled out the same ice breakers, much was different. If you have trouble and the pick-up level, change your environment. This will show you a different kind of man.
#3) The Laws of Attraction
The internet dating world brought me to a whole new level of understanding men. First of all, the particular websites I tried all connected me with men who had radically different political and familial views than me. I went so far as to change my settings, and it brought me to men even more radically different from me.
I couldn’t figure it out.
I began hearing about the things I needed to change about myself. They’d get cruel sometimes, and tell me that I’d be single forever if I didn’t change.
Every single one of them asked me for a new photograph after a week or texting/e-mailing. Every single one of them sent me a photograph of his penis to “get me in the mood.”
If you are having problems while dating (more specifically, at the beginning of relationships), it is important to consider why this is happening.
#4) Realize Who Needs to Change
The most prevalent of lessons learned from internet dating was the fact that these are the kind of men I attract: Men who are opposite of me and are intimidated by my intelligence which leads them to be demeaning and mentally abusive.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me. It just means I have to evaluate my own approach to dating. My personality type attracts a certain personality type, and that needs to end
If you recognize a pattern, and see others who find good men, don’t get jealous. Figure out how to attract a different kind of man.
#5) How to Stop the Madness
I realized that I’m putting a lot of this on the women who are having the problem. In no way am I victim-blaming here; it is important to understand what makes us tick and how the laws of attraction work, in order to break the cycle that we see.
We don’t want to be categorized as “all the same,” so why would say that about men in order to make us feel better? It all comes down to this: If you want something done right, do it yourself.
The same thing goes for dating. If you find that men are all the same, find a man who isn’t the same. It seems easier said than done, but it really isn’t. It just requires a lot of analysis, and a lot of self-control.
If the dating website is giving you the same type of guy over and over again—deny, deny, deny until that site gives you that one diamond in the rough.
As humans, we work in patterns, and we work to seek out patterns. It is a subconscious safety reaction from us, especially with dating. You have to break the cycle yourself. If a guy says the same thing as the guy before, get out of there! Don’t dismiss your instincts. If it feels the same (even if only for a second), then it is the same. Don’t allow yourself to see men as different.
Just because all men are different, doesn’t mean that they can’t be alike. Many men follow patterns based on their developmental stage. Get yourself out of the habit of dating men who exist in the same developmental stage of dating.
When we see patterns that we don’t like, it is important to break free from the cycles we put ourselves in. What are some of the patterns you’ve experienced? In what ways did you break free from the cycle? Please share with us in the comments below!